Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmas Church Songs IV

Let Us Go, Let Us Go, Let Us Go (To Tune of 'Let It Snow, Let It Snow')

Well, we spend our whole life at church
And we miss our favorite shows
We wish someone they would hear,
“Let us go, let us go, let us go.”

The preacher shows no signs of stopping
And the ‘amens’ they keep a popping,
The sermon drags on so slow,
Let us go, let us go, let us go!

When we finally close in prayer,
How I’ll hate driving out in the night,
If we didn’t have to sing every verse
I might would have time to eat right.

Between bus, Sunday school, and choir,
And fellowship some people’s desire,
It’s as if we have no place to go,
Let us go! Let us go! Let us Go!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Church Christmas Songs III

Grandma Got Ig-nored by the Preacher (Tune of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer)

*Grandma got ignored by the preacher,
Walking out of church one Sunday eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Satan,
But as for me and our church, we believe.

She had woke that Sunday morning;
Drove to the church into the lot,
Just to find that a visitor
Had the nerve to park right in her spot.

After parking in the back lot
And tripping over two loose stones
She was greeted by the doorman
Who’d just passed out the last bulletin.

She huffed and loudly grumbled
As the door she went through;
Dodged three running children
Only to find that visitor in her pew!

Well the service FINALLY started
One whole minute passed eleven,
And she had to stay up standing
All four verses of “When We All-Get to Heaven.”

Well the thermostat was too cold
And the sermon way to long,
Time she got to leave Bob Evans
There was no time to go back to her home.

She endured the evening service
Back in her back pew she did sit,
With door traffic and crying babies
The sermon she couldn’t hear worth a lick.

After 100 verses of invitation
She headed out the back doors;
But the preacher was with a weeping member
And once again she’d go home all ignored!

Well the Devil he did chuckle
As she left so miserable
“All they want is my money!”
As she slammed the pedal to the floor!

*Chorus

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Church Christmas Songs II

Old Hard Heart is Looking Around (to the tune "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)

Oh You better watch out,
You better not cry
Don’t praise the Lord,
I’m telling you why…
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
Gonna label you as Charasmatic tonight
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He sees when you’re convicted
And hears all your “Amens”
And he can’t believe the gall you have
To dare and lift your hands!

Oh You better watch out,
You better not cry
Don’t praise the Lord,
I’m telling you why…
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
Gonna gossip and slander
Your name tonight
Old Heart heart is looking around

He remembers when he had joy
When his eyes were on the Lord.
When serving God was His delight
But now it’s all a chore!

Oh You better watch out,
You better not cry
Don’t praise the Lord,
I’m telling you why…
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
You’re zeal for the Lord crossed the line tonight
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around!

Don’t sing above a whisper
Or you are showing off,
Don’t testify of His love
Or He’ll be sure to scoff!

Oh You better watch out,
You better not cry
Don’t praise the Lord,
I’m telling you why…
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
He’s praying that soon you’ll see the light
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

My friend don’t be ashamed
To stop and praise the Lord,
And maybe old hard heart will see
What life’s worth living for!

Oh You better watch out,
You better not cry
Don’t praise the Lord,
I’m telling you why…
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
Hopef’ly revival for him’s in sight
Old Hard Heart is Looking Around!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Christmas Church Songs

On a lighter note this week: we will have some fun. I have written for our Christmas banquet some new songs which will be 'released' Friday live and in color! The songs will be sung by myself and Bro. Mullis. Here is the First one for your viewing pleasure:

Clarence The Usher (Tune Frosty the Snow Man)

Clarence the Usher
In his blue suit and red tie
Joined the ushers there on the front pew
To receive the weekly tithe.
While Rene played the music
Down the aisle they did trod
And tight wads in the soft, blue pews
Refused to give to God.

They said they had no money
just as poor as they could be,
They could not tithe their income
Because they bought a Christmas tree.
When it comes now to giving
They are as meek as little lamb
They can’t wait until the final verse
Of the song “Just As I Am.”

***Don’t Grump-e-ty Grump, Grump
Grump-e-ty Grump, grump
Watch the tithers Go.
Don’t Grumpety Grump Grump
Grumpety Grump Grump
As we give and grow!

Tithing is Scriptural
A blessed blessed thought
How Heaven’s windows open up
To give all God hath wrought.
To Receive His favor
Is the same as long ago
God’s children know if we serve him so
He’ll be Faithful to His Own.

So When Clarence and the ushers
Walk there by your pew
Don’t forget God’s promises
They are good for you.
Oh Tithing is Scriptural, as Abraham did see
And Christians say we can joyfully give
Just the same as He!
***