Our trip always starts in the morning of Thanksgiving as we peruse through all the adds (even though we have seen them all on the internet already) and then call each other and make an itinerary. This year was no exception. After some debate, we decided to start our evening at Kohls for their 8:00 opening. We both agree on this-no store should be open until at least Midnight of Friday. This Thanksgiving Day sale, open at 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. stuff is for the birds (get it? Turkey? Birds?...). We both did not want to cut short family time with the in laws, so we met at 6:30-6:45 ish at Kohls.
This year we were joined in our adventures by Miss Jerrica Wilson. She was a great slave...I mean, friend to spend the evening with us. She did a wonderful job pushing our carts, bagging our products....Just kidding! She was a joy to be with last night.
Due to iPad update difficulties at my in laws, I was running a little late. When I arrived at Kohls, I found in the front of the line Chrystal and Jerrica. They were the second in line! I asked how long she had been there, and she and the people around her all said they had gotten there around 4 p.m. I asked Chrystal why as I thought we were meeting at 6:30. She said she was just bored. (I found out an hour later that they had gotten there around 6:20 and Chrystal had convinced all the people around her to lie to me. I then told them how Chrystal had someone lie for her last year on Black Friday and they ended up getting arrested-so that wasn't real true either).
After talking to the people around us, they instantly fell in love with Chrystal, who was continuing to offer to place the teen age girl in her arm pit if she was too cold. I also learned that Chrystal had been signing autographs, as she had convinced the young ladies behind us that she was an actress. Only Chrystal could do such a thing while wearing a Frisch's Big Boy Beanie!Finally, the doors opened! Being in front, we quickly found the few products we were looking for (special thanks to Chrystal and Jerrica for helping with a double special gift). We then cashed out using our patented process of one of us standing in line while the other shops. Kohls was a huge success and we were out by 8:40!
After catching up with Ricky and Rachel, we learned Walmart had been pretty much pillaged, so the three of us decided to go to Target. Of course, they had opened much earlier, and we were able to just walk right in. While there was no line to get in-WOW was there a line to get out! I immediately got into the check out line which was weaved through aisles through 4 different departments. While Chrystal and Jerrica shopped, I stood in line. As I went through the refrigerated section of groceries standing in line, I remembered my wife needed eggs to make deviled eggs today. So, I grabbed a dozen eggs. Bad mistake. No less than 30 people laughed as they asked me why in the world I was standing in line this long to buy a dozen eggs. No explanation could overcome the sight, so I went with it.The ladies returned, and I was given a chance to shop a little (I bought a meat thermometer for the turkey I currently am watching Stacey cook). Finally, we made it to the check out. Jerrica and Chrystal went and got a soda from the refreshment section and we gathered our items and left; but not before I told the police man that Jerrica had stolen the soda without paying. Jerrica had some explaining to do!
The only other item Chrystal was really after was at Gamestop. They would open at midnight. We drove by at 10:30 and no one was there but three very hairy, zit covered, young lads. So, we thought we would run into Meijer and walk around. While there, I did my best to convince Chrystal to buy a Soda Maker Machine. You see, since a young boy, I have had much enjoyment convincing Chrystal to spend her money. It is a hobby of sorts. We went into Meijer just to stay warm. While I could not convince her to buy the soda machine, she did leave with a box of Liddies (as seen on TV), two board games, a Mr. Tea accessory, and a few other insignificant items that cost $100. Brother success! After walking through Meijer for about 30 minutes (me with a hidden whoopee cushion walking behind Chrystal), we finally exited towards the car. There, I convinced Chrystal and Jerrica to pose for this picture with the Meijer sign behind them (and to their unawares, directly below a handicap sign-lol). Meijer was a success!We then headed towards Gamestop. Amazingly, this was the most fun of the night. Upon our return at about 11:15, we found there to be about 20 people in line. It was freezing outside, so the three of us sat in our car, in the warmth, and watched the line slowly grow. Every few minutes we debated getting in line, but the car was so warm and we were having so much fun. How were we having fun? Well, for one, Chrystal and I decided, being parked right in front of the line, to take two people in line and watch their actions and guess the words they were saying. What a riot! People had to go to the bathroom, there was a ghost (a man with a white sheet completely over him), people were fighting, flirting, and...well...it was fun. We sorta got into so much and were laughing so much, the car began to shake a little (Chrystal and I blame this on Jerrica sitting in the back seat). Two ladies (who we had just assigned the words of arguing over a daughter at home) began to notice and giving us the "evil eye." The line kept growing and by now there were nearly 100 people in line. The items Chrystal was going after were not at all "Big ticket items" and her main one could be found across the street for just a few more dollars at Meijer, so she decided the cold weather wasn't worth it.
We then took a picture of the afore mentioned ladies (they were not happy) and pulled out. We made it to the side of the building when Chrystal changed her mind and we parked. We joined the line about 11:40, now about 150 people back. Yes, we were there when there were only 2 or 3 in line! After a small confrontation with some potty mouth young men, we settled in. We had a great time! We shared memories, we sang a little, we FROZE TO DEATH!
Chrystal then put her hoodie back on, and we got quite the laugh as I reminded her that in that coat she looked just like a turtle (see picture below). The man behind us agreed and we all got a kick out of Chrystal and I (my hoodie now pulled over my heard) singing "Teenage Obese Ninja Turles!" An employee came out passing out tickets for the items. When Chrystal asked if she needed a ticket for her item, the man chuckled (as did everyone in line) and said "I think you will be able to get those pretty easy. After a chilling hour wait, we finally got to go in.
Upon walking it, let's just say that there were many young men in the store who obviously hadn't showered in a while and who obviously had a lot of baked beans for Thanksgiving. Truly, I haven't smelled something that hideous in a long time. Chrystal got her items and we stood in line the next hour hearing more about "recons, assassins, madden, war crafts, mine crafts, fast cars, and calls of duty" than I ever wanted to in my entire life. Ironic how not one in that store could even carry the weight of a real gun, take one hit in a contact sport, or even drive a manual transmission car...but I digress.We finally made it out of the stink hole and headed towards the car. Was it our most memorable trip? Probably not. There were not punches, no ambulances, no riots; but it was good to be back in that cold saddle again.
I don't go to buy much (I enjoy getting Chrystal to spend her money); but I love going. Jerrica didn't buy one item all night, so I gave here a tide to go I had purchased at Target for $.74 (great deal). In Jerrica's words, "It was just fun to be here." Agreed! In this world of covetousness, anger, division, and sadness, it is just good to stand around a soda maker machine with people you love and laugh at tea bag holders. To me, it is what the holidays are about. Not sales, not crowds, not sports-but family and friends and memories. And the best part is, it is not over. I now will go to my parent's house with my beautiful wife and children, and join my parents and sisters and their families and enjoy that yummy looking turkey my wife just got out of the oven. We will eat, play games, laugh, and share jokes and memories. I love this weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!
