Don't Touch

The 14th question in our questionnaire reads:

In the last year, I have either held hands or kissed a boyfriend/girlfriend:
A. Never 78%
B. Once or Twice 4%
C. Quite a Bit 6%
D. You really don't want to know 12%

The results turned out not so bad, but perhaps complete honesty could be in question; but we shall give the benefit of the doubt. I would love to say that amongst our Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) teens, that immorality was never a problem, but I believe all would agree that this is just not the case. While I believe that our success rate is much higher than that of the worlds, there is still a grave problem amongst our churches.
I recently read that over 1 million teen girls will become pregant this year in the U.S. (Guttmacher Institute) and that 70% of teens will have committed fornication by age 19. Recently, it was surveyed that only 5% of Americans go to a marriage altar pure. Our government spent 50 Billion dollars last year dealing with teen pregnancy. Out of the 1 million pregnancies last year, 520,000 resulted in births, 80,000 resulted in miscarriages, and 400,000 resulted in abortion (http://www.teenshelter.org/data.htm).
While I am confident that our IFB young people's percentages are greatly lowered, it is an unfortunately increasing problem that parents, pastors, and churches are having to deal with.
Now, let me first say, that if you are a young person that has fallen into this sin, get it right with God. Confess the sin to the Lord, repent, and allow His forgiveness and cleansing. Get things right with your parents and church, and determine to allow the Lord to lead in your life, accepting all consequences, and accomplish something for the Lord.
To those who have not given themselves to this sin, I would counsel: DON'T TOUCH! Our Bible's read in 1 Cor. 7:1

...It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

The reason we see this principle so grossly ignored is due to a lack of discipline in the home as a young child. In the garden, God gave to Adam and Eve everything they could ever desire, but one tree God said, "Don't touch!"
With all three of my children, the very first lesson that we have taught to them is "Don't touch!" Be it a hot stove, electric socket, indoor plant, knife, my glasses, or grandma's knick nack, they each have had to learn "Don't Touch!" There have been many slapped hands as a toddler and rods applied as a young chlid. Why? Because there is going to be a day when I don't have time to explain why they can't touch and they need to obey immediately; or there is going to be a day when they will be confronted with one of the above items and I will not be around, and for their safety they had best learned that lesson.
Parents, rear your children with the knowledge that there are somethings you don't touch. Nothing breaks the heart of a parent, pastor, and church like that of a young person with so much potential that loses their purity. One is too many.
It amazes me how youth pastors many times not only allow it to go on, but even encourage it. As a youth pastor, I learned quickly what to look for: both teens sitting with arms crossed close to each other...are holding fingers. Teens sitting on a bus in same seat or infront or behind each other...are holding hands. Some teens have even used a Bible between them to cover their hands while they commit hand-whoredom. Coats, blankets, hats, garbage bags, all have been used to try and hide the rebellion. Don't be naive.
Our 8 month old daughter reached into my shirt pocket the other day to grab my Gospel tracts. I told her "No! No touch" She withdrew and looked at me oddly and reached for them again. "No! no touch" With a pooched out lip and determined look she grabbed for them again. "No! no touch" was followed by a soft slap on the hand. Big tears rolled down her cheeks and a pouting whimper came from her mouth and she grabbed for them again. "No! no touch" was again followed by a soft slap on the hand. This time it was followed by a full out cry, but her rebellion was broken (for this time) and she laid her head on my shoulder not reaching again for the tracts. Would it be terrible for her to grab a tract? Perhaps not, but there were principles being taught...one of which is that there are some things you don't touch. Someday, she will be confronted with much greater temptations, and she needs to have learned that if Daddy said "Don't Touch," then there is a reason, there is a purpose, and it is for my safety that I obey. May all our children learn not to touch.

Dating versus Waiting (pt. 2)

After taking a look at the negative side of this issue in the Dangers of Dating, we'll flip the coin and view the positive side of the Wonders of Waiting. As Pastor Burke has already described the idea behind waiting, we'll look at the results or rewards of doing this God's way. The first reward we see is the Fulfillment of Faith. How is that a reward, you may ask. Hebrews 11:6 -

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

Now let's take and apply this principle to modern dating. First, as a child of God, what is our purpose here on earth? To please him who has created us - Revelation 4:11. With that in mind we must then ask ourselves, Does God have a way for us to please him? Yes, we find the answer in Hebrews 11:6 - through faith. Then acknowledging that dating is a modern worldly practice, can and should a child of God be involved in it knowing that "...whatsoever is not of faith is sin"? (Romans 14:23) The answer simply and logically is - no. The reward is that we know that we have pleased God with our life and we did things according to His plan. Again, realizing the importance of this area, knowing the consequences both good and bad that lie in the outcome of our choices, would God leave us on our own to just muddle through and hope for the best? If so, then He wouldn't be much of a God. But I believe that God does have a plan for every area of our life because God is not the author of confusion, but of peace - I Cor. 14:33.
The second reward is Praise of Purpose. We find an example of this in Daniel 1:8, a familiar verse showing the power of conviction in the life of a young man. How many sermons have been preached on this single verse in praise of Daniel? Too many to count; I'm sure that is not why he did it, but the fact is he is held up for us as an example. How many young lives have been used for just the opposite - an example of what not to do. Would it not be far better to guide our young people down a path that they too may be held up as a Daniel, someone to emulate and exemplify, instead of a Samson, someone to pity and think what could have been. Let us help our young people to purpose in their hearts that they will not defile themselves with the ways of this world, but rather to seek to please God in all they do.
The third and final reward is that of Single-mindedness through Separation. This in itself is not the reward, but it leads to the reward. Proverbs 18:1

"Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom."

All through the book of Proverbs we are told of the rewards of wisdom. To apply it to this situation let's look at it like this: a typical young person, so pressed by the world's philosophy and pressure from peers, does not separate himself but rather joins in to do what everyone else does. So desperate to obtain the favor of his peers, he will "go out" with anyone just to be accepted. Concern for character and personal qualities is not considered - who can take the time? Who can find a virtuous woman? No one - she is a gift from God, and He doesn't just give that to anyone, but those who seek it. The reward here is that through this single-mindedness, a young person will be given God's best - one with the Choicest of Characteristics. (II Pet 1:5-8)
In closing, we refer back to Hebrews 11:6 - God will reward those who believe Him. So really, to put it simply, it's a matter of do we believe God or not? We can rationalize and bring out all sorts of examples of this, that, or the other; what it all boils down to is we cannot please God without faith - if we trusted Him with our eternal salvation, can we not trust Him with our earthly spouse?

The Root of All Teen Evil-Part 2

With a broken hearted young lady having left my office, I sat and stared at my Bible. I thought, "Is this really the way God wants us to find our mate?" I opened my Bible and began to search...
But, where do you start? Where in the Bible did anyone date? The answer to that is NOWHERE!! So, where in the Bible did someone find their spouse? There are many such cases, so again, where do I start. It was then I had a novel idea..Genesis with Adam and Eve.
In Genesis 2:20-25 we read:

And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Adam named the animals and in doing so realized there was no "help meet for him." So God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, he slept, God took a rib from him, and made Eve. God gave us a principle about leaving and cleaving, and they were together not ashamed.
"What can I learn from this?" I thought...it was then God changed my life, my church, and my children's futures.
We have for too long taken the world's method of finding a mate and added our "standards" of not touching and waiting to it. I grew up in church and heard 100's of sermons, especially as a teen ager, about purity, abstinence, and keeping your hands off until married....but NEVER heard a sermon on how to Biblically find a mate. We just did it like the world....date around until you get married. I went through the typical pattern from a young person into college of dating girls and dumping girls. I had six girlfriends, I believe, through that time. To this day, when I am around them, their is a sense of awkwardness. Why? I gave them some of my heart...and this was wrong and should not have been.
We have taught our young people to "like them, dump them" and consider it a normal part of teen/college life. Then we wonder why "marry them, divorce them" is a growing problem. That is simply the way they were trained.
Because marriage is the basis upon which the family is built, a lack of standards in this area will weaken the foundations of the family, ultimately the church and our nation. Let us be honest, what fruit does dating leave us with:

Confusion, insecurity, jealousy, bitterness, a craving for attention from the opposite sex, improper thoughts, loss of innocence, loss of time, loss of money, much tension in youth groups, lack of commitment, relationships with parents strained, covetousness, self centeredness, a sensual focus, and even thoughts of suicide

Hebrews 13:4-5 reads that "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." This verse really helped me in discovering God's will for the matter:
1.) Marriage is a wonderful thing
2.) God takes notice and is concerned and will judge our actions concerning marriage
3.) Our conversation (lifestyle) is to be without covetousness (a certain fruit of dating).
4.) It is better for our young people to be content (waiting satisfied) as they are
5.) The Lord is there with them and they should focus on a better relationship with Him
Back to Genesis....what lessons can I learn from Adam and Eve? Here we go:
1. God Created One Person For You
My how this is preached after people get married: "He is your husband, she is your wife, you are not to have eyes for any other but the one God has for you." God created one woman for Adam. He did not create Eve, Evelyn, Esther, Emma, and Elizabeth. He just created one. I believe it is true that God created Stacey for me, and I for her, and we are both to have eyes for no one but each other. Now if that is true...wasn't it true before we were married? Was it not God's will then also? We need to teach our young people that God has one person for them for one lifetime...wait until He reveals that person to you.
2. A man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
This is not really applicable to the dating, but a principle found here that many miss. When you get married, you leave mommy and daddy and your focus is now on and with each other. No more apron strings, loyalty is not divided. I found it most interesting God put this here when THERE WAS NO FATHER OR MOTHER FOR EITHER ADAM OR EVE. God was establishing principles here for finding and joining a mate. This is an important point to remember as we examine other aspects.
3. There is no shame in the right kind of marriage.
I have seen too many marriages that should have been times of great rejoicing, but there was an aspect of shame to it due to a loss of innocence or a child already involved...all due to a lack of Biblical guidance in this area of finding a mate
4. Marriage is for persons of opposite gender
Thought I would throw that in there as it is a Biblical principle as well!
5. The man was to be asleep during the process
Why did God cause Adam to go to sleep. Some have said it was the first anesthesia. Not true, as there was no sin, therefore no pain, no suffering. Going to sleep, medically speaking, was not necessary. So why did God do this? He again is laying down principles. It is important to note that Adam was busy doing the work God had given to him and He was to be asleep as God prepares his mate for him. The man is to stay asleep emotionally, mentally, and physically in this area until God brings the mate to him. In our scenario last week, Timmy, due to his date with Charity, began to "wake up" around 15 years old. Problem is, Timmy is not ready for marriage emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, or in any other way. But as all of us can testify, once you are awake, it's most difficult to go back to sleep. That is why many of our young people fall. They are awaken way before it is time. It is common today for a 9 year old to have a 'girlfriend or boyfriend,' and we all have heard of the tragedies of a 12 or 13 year old becoming a parent. Why? Our young people are waking up before it is time and before the one God has been preparing is ready.
Many parents are afraid their child will "miss out on something" if they accept this Biblical teaching. You are right...they will miss out on broken hearts, coveting, jealousy....and Amen for that! Waiting is God's way of renewing our strength (Is. 40:31)
Adam was to do the work God gave to him and stay asleep until he and she was ready. The best thing our young people can do is stay asleep in this area and serve God and mature in the Lord. When they are ready, God will bring them together. Here is where I see many of our young people struggle with this new concept. They are soooo afraid that they will never get married. They are sooo worried that God will not do what He says He will do. They grow impatient and give up.
Can you imagine if our young people are reared this way, how much more spiritually, mentally, physically, financially mature they will be. My "transition" kids are behind schedule, because they have been playing this dating game and need to patiently catch up to get where God wants them. You see, a half-hearted participation will not work. "Staying asleep" while not maturing in the Lord will lead to frustration. Our young people need to surrender this area to God, let Him mold them, and He will bring the spouse to them. I am thrilled about our younger children being reared this way. I believe we will see them getting married not at a much older age, but rather a younger age as they will be mature in all areas of their life much earlier, and thus God will 'wake them up.' The most important aspect of this, where I believe most Christians lack today-making them most skeptical of these principles-is listening for and hearing the voice of God. We need to teach our young people to wait, mature, work for the Lord, and listen for when He says "Wake up!"
6. The lady is to be conformed in the Lord's hands to what He knows she will need to be for her mate
God took the rib and formed the woman into a perfect help meet for Adam. Our ladies need not to be dressing, talking, and looking to attract a man. No where in the Bible will you find a girl trying to get the attention of a man with the exception of a harlot. Our ladies need to be taught to be focusing on submitting to the Lord's workmanship in their lives, and allowing Him to perfect them in becoming the wife God wants them to be...mentally, physically, spiritually mature.
7. Wake up with the leadership of God given authorities in your life
God woke up Adam and brought Eve to him to wife. That is why in weddings, the father walks the bride down the aisle to give her to the groom. In Gen. 24, Abraham brought to Isaac a wife. In Gen. 26, Esau found his own wife without parental involvement and it was a "grief" to his parents. Isaac sent Jacob in Gen. 28 to get a wife-partial involvement with parents, and it led to problems because they were not there. Samson in Judges also found his own wives against parent's counsel, and we all know how that ended up.
Parents need to lead in seeing their children come to the spouse God has ordained for them. This is not a dictatorial involvement, but a Godly overseeing. Our children need their parents first and foremost, their pastors (2 Chron. 24), and all God-given authority to play a part in guarding the heart of the young people.
I have so much more, but need to bring this to a close...
All of this hinges on the necessity of our young people knowing how to hear God speak to them. That should be our drive and prayer for our young people. Their spouse, next to salvation, is the most important decision they will ever make. We cannot just leave this up to chance and trial and error. There is one way to Heaven, and I believe there is one way to find your mate...God's way of waiting and maturing and allowing the Lord and His ordained authority to lead in the matter. I began last week by quoting 1 Timothy 6:10,

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Behind this love is ultimately covetousness. I believe the root of all teen evil is the same, covetousness. Maybe not money, but in desiring wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard the rights of others. That person you 'dated' that you didn't marry, was God's choice for another person.
Here is what I did. I asked the Lord to forgive me for having coveted as a young person and not waited on His choice; and then I began teaching and rearing my young people in this Biblical way.
1 Thessalonians 4 reads, "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication (pre-marital immorality): that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;not in the lust of concupiscence (to long for something forbidden), even as the Gentiles which know not God (world's way of dating): that no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter ("I love you...2 days later...we need to break up): because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness."
Amen!
Here are the results from our questionnaire:

I believe the teaching on NOT dating, but waiting and praying for the Lord to prepare me and my spouse to be:
A. Weird....10%
B. Biblical...58%
C. Biblical, but I will not do it...13%
D. The church's opinion....19%

Dating versus Waiting (pt. 1)

In the spectrum of human life, after salvation the most important decision with the most far-reaching consequences, is that of choosing a spouse. What single decision determines happiness, security, peace of mind more than finding that one with whom you will spend a lifetime? With all this on the line, why then, do we take such risks with our young people in this area of dating? This week and next we will take to look into different aspects of this topic. The Dangers of Dating will be addressed here, followed next week by the Wonders of Waiting. Having spent the last 20 years either as a teenager or working around teenagers, I've seen a lot of the dangers that are prevalent when people play the dating game. Unfortunately, by the time the dangers become evident( immorality, disease, unwed mothers, ruined relationships) it is too late to solve the problem. As we've talked much of the principles of sowing and reaping, in order to be able to prevent the problem in the first place, we must first be aware of what we are sowing. Let's look at the seeds of dating. 1.) First and most obvious is the seed of jealousy. When I first became youth pastor and administrator of our academy, one of the first things that came to my attention was the damage being done through the passing of notes. Talk about jealousy! Girls in junior high and high school were verbally shredding each other over who "this boy" likes more. Once Pastor Burke began teaching on Biblical waiting as opposed to dating, the problems of jealousy and strife became almost non-existent. 2.) Along with the seed of jealousy, goes that of bitterness. How many young lives have been ruined because of a broken heart. Many take that lightly, but that is damage not easily repaired. 3.) Biblically, the biggest argument against dating is it goes contrary to walking in the spirit. This brings us to the seed of impurity. What great work of God went undone because a young man got caught up in the web of dating and rather than following God, followed the lust of his flesh, leading him to destruction. 4.) As a youth pastor, it seemed the number one task that I once had was that of trying( most of the time in vain ) to repair the divisions among young people taking sides when one of these sweet, innocent, puppy -love romances went sour and turned into a junkyard- dog brawl. The seed of division, once planted, was very hard to remove. 5.) Dating plants the seed of selfishness and then reaps it tenfold. Just the opposite of what a true godly relationship ought to be based on, dating breeds and then feeds a mindset of ME. Dating is not, what can I do for you, but what can you do for me. Is it any wonder then, the majority of our modern marriages ends in divorce, usually over "irreconcilable differences"( a.k.a. - you don't make ME happy anymore ). 6.) When a person has been told "I love you; we'll always be together" by a half dozen people in their life, can there be any argument that dating sows seeds of mistrust? How many times can a person give their heart away before there's just nothing left to give? 7.) Finally, the biggest problem with dating is it sows seeds of rebellion. The search for a spouse ought to be done with the parents and pastor involved every step of the way, with everything being done openly having nothing to hide. How often in a dating scenario does one side ( usually the guy ) turn the other side ( usually the girl ) against the authority? In our church, in the last five years, there has been a clear line drawn; the seeds of rebellion have reaped a hard harvest for those who chose to go their own way and walk according to the flesh; those who have chosen to seek godly counsel, and walk in wisdom, have a peace and joy that only comes from living a life of obedience. It is heart-breaking to see a young person ruin their life getting involved with the wrong person. Let's beware the dangers of dating - sow the right seed that we might reap a good harvest.

The Root of All Teen Evil-Part 1

1 Timothy 6:10 reads: "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
The idea is coveting. Webster's definition of coveting is: "to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others:" This evil is prominent in society today, but it is not the exact topic I wish to write upon.
Dealing with young people has taught me so much, and I have found that this principle of coveting is their great root of evil as well...but in a slightly different light. Theirs is not one consumed with money, but rather in lust and relationships.
Everybody knows what happens to a young person at around age 13. Life begins to change. Those of the opposite sex who a month ago had "cooties" or "was a GIRL/BOY" YUCK! In the words of Spanky and Alfalfa, "We are he-man woman haters/ We feed girls to alligators." But we all know what happened to Alfalfa next...he met Darla!
Thus begins a new chapter in young people's lives...dating!
As I write this article, I feel somewhat overwhelmed as to what all needs to be printed. I shall do my best to be brief and successful in covering what is important.
When this "light turns on" in our young people's lives, how do we handle it? I like writing in scenarios...so.....
Timmy is 15, he has found that girls are not so bad, even somewhat enjoyable to be around. It makes him happy and he feels all these 'tinglies' in side of him, especially when he is around Charity! Charity is also 15, and sits behind him in Algebra class there at his school, Cornerstone Baptist Academy. They also go to church together and have actually sat in the same pew recently. There are whispers, she may like Timmy. Tim (not Timmy anymore, he is becoming a man) finally gets up the nerve to say "Hey" to Charity after church Sunday. She smiled and said "Hey, Tim." Thus it begins. Soon they are sitting by each other in classes, at lunch, and now at church. In the teen class, everyone knows that Tim and Charity are 'going out' with each other (actually they are not 'going' anywhere, just means they are a couple). Soon it is homecoming at the Baptist Academy and they have a banquet that is conducive of having a 'date.' With a nervous voice and alot of those 'tinglies,' Tim asks Charity to go with him to the banquet. SHE SAID YES! Tim's parents are excited. His dad is secretly proud of him for entering manhood and seeks to 'live through his son' those exciting dating years again. Mom tells him how to treat his date properly. A corsage is purchased by the dad for his son (Tim has no job or money), and they go and pick Charity up. They go to the banquet and pictures are taken from the time Tim puts his tie on until he walks her to the door. Everyone is excited-mom even tells her friends at the ladies fellowship how cute they were together. Soon there is a Prim (Baptist version of a Prom), a valentine's banquet, a week at camp to really draw closer, activities (where they sit together on a bus and occassionally bump into each other while the bus bounces over pot holes...alot bumpier in the back of the bus too, they learn). Now, it's their one year anniversary-of when they started 'going out' (not really going anywhere, just a couple). Tim is 16, almost 17 now, going to be a junior in high school and is going out on an official date-(not church related). Dad will drive them around, but stay away from them at every destination. Finally, it is time to drop her off at the door. Tim does while dad stays in the car. Dad can't stand it anymore... "So Tim, did you kiss her goodbye?" WHAT!!! Tim can't believe his dad ask. Honestly, Tim didn't, but next time...oh, next time....he does. Soon they are holding hands in the back seat with dad or mom driving. They allow it, because it is innocent and they are there, so what harm is it? They are not allowed to at church, but at home in the presence of a parent, chaperoned, it's ok.
Now it is their two year anniversary, Tim is a senior in high school, and Charity is a beautiful young lady. They are 'The Couple' of the youth group. They are voted King and Queen of the Baptist Academy Homecoming. They are so cute together and whispers of even marriage in a few years are being shared. Dad looks at Tim on Prim night (that's the Baptist version of a Prom...if you don't know, it usually is a nice banquet where everyone gets dressed in formal attire and then change clothes and go to a lock in at a gym or go carts or something until early in the morning)...anyways...Dad looks at Tim and says, "Son, you and Charity have behaved and done all that we have asked you to do, I'm gonna step out and let you pick her up on your own. Remember Jesus is watching, don't do nothing stupid, pick her up and go straight to church. Call me when you get there." Tim's heart begins to instantly thump rapidly. Maybe not the first time he picks her up, but soon the hand holding turns to leg touching, to her head leaning on his shoulder...to a broken hearted dad and mom wondering how their kids could be so stupid...to a broken hearted pastor and he deals with the pieces shattered on the ground. What happened?
Now, in reality, Tim probably goes through Charity, Hope, Faith, and Joy before he makes this tragic mistake. Our homes, our youth groups, our Baptist Colleges -the ones with high standards-all conducive to this dating scenario. There are success stories-especially in the college world of NO TOUCHING AT ALL-but I think we all know, that there are way too many tragedies along with those. Why? What have we done wrong?
That's a question I began to ask myself about 5 years ago. I had a young lady approach me that was in my youth group. She was (and is) a tremendous young lady who loves the Lord. She was in college at the time at one of the big four IFB colleges, and there was this guy she liked. She came to me, her pastor, and asked, "Pastor, how do I know if he is the one or not?" I looked at her and replied, "The same way we all found our spouse, you have to date him and get to know him better. Just honor the Lord and keep your hands to yourself and follow the guildelines you have been taught." She did, and about a year and a half later, she sat in my office in tears after a bad break up. She did exactly what I told her, she followed every guideline, and her heart was broken and there was fighting and divisions between families and friends. She looked at me and said, "Pastor, I did what you said, is this right?"
Is this really what God wants? Is this really the way God wants us to find our spouse? I began to pray and instead of accepting what I did to find my wife and the way I was taught and shown, I did something weird...I looked in the Bible. This Book is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path...this Book has the answers to every problem, instructions for every life. Does it teach anything concerning how to find a spouse other than "it is good for a man not to touch a woman?"
With an open heart and a searching eyes and a constant prayer, I sought God.

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. Make me to understand the way of thy precepts: so shall I talk of thy wondrous works. Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Psalm 119

And He did, and it changed my life, and the future for my children, our church, our youth group, and possibly you too.
Stand by for Part 2

Welcome to The Teenage Zone

Once upon a time ( the present ), in a galaxy far, far away ( the average teenager's world ), there is a land where authority does not exists, rules are meant to be broken, and every one does that which is right in their own eyes - what is this place? The Teenage Zone, a place that most adults, for one reason or another, ignore or pretend they know nothing of. What is it about teenagers( a term that does not exist in the Bible, which may explain why they live in a society all their own - it should not exist at all ) that cause many adults such discomfort? After all, they are people just like anybody else, with the same basic needs and desires as anybody else. So why all the fear and confusion and the "well, their just a teenager, they'll grow out of it" mentality? To be honest, at times I'm scared out of my mind for my three young ones to turn thirteen, for the average adult gives an almost Jekyll and Hyde account of their young person. Does it have to be this way? Is there no hope? Well, if the Bible is our guide book, it must have something to say about the teenage years and all the trauma therein. Let's see what we find ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------hmm, strange, nothing mentioned at all. Not a single word about how to deal with teenagers. What I do find in the Word of God is by this age they were already set in their character and this was the reaping time, the harvest to be received from the previous 12 or so years of training and teaching and instructing - the preparation period. Unfortunately for most modern young people, they are not being prepared for much more than how to be social and to compromise to fit in. This is the cause of much of our struggle - parents less concerned with the outcome of a child's character than the outcome of the number of comrades their child has. If, by the age of 12-13, their desire is to have a friend at any cost as opposed to doing right at any cost, even if that means doing right alone, they will struggle under the wrong influences. Better to be alone, than in bad company. What are we preparing them for? Adulthood? Parenthood? Responsibility? It sure doesn't seem that way, when more time is spent on socializing, game-playing, sports-outings, etc. than on developing work ethic, work skills, home-making, etc. Is it any wonder that so many marriages fail so soon among the twenty-something crowd, when the only things they know are watching movies and playing video games? They have learned little to nothing of reality because they have been allowed to dwell in The Teenage Zone, which is nothing more than a cesspool of flesh-oriented activity, where boys will be boys and no one wants to grow up. And that is where the majority of Baptist youth programs center their focus on for the first 18 years. When the average Baptist young person quotes more Jim Carey than Jesus Christ, we have a problem. When we have more young men surrendering to the full-time stand up comic circuit than the full-time ministry, we have a problem. From where does it stem? The Culture of Youth. The Teenage Zone. A society that worships youth and gives it a pass on whatever it wants to do, because after 21 life is over, right? Wrong! Life just begins after 21 for those living in the real world, but to the dwellers of The Teenage Zone, you must live for today, for tomorrow we die. That was the mentality in Noah's day and we know how that ended. Parents, I challenge all of us - for what are we preparing our young people? Let's take inventory and instead of looking at the here and now, let's take a look down the road. Are we helping them prepare for the future? or are we living for today, because tomorrow we die? Don't leave your child in The Teenage Zone.

Evil Communications Can Be Excused Because We Are Trying to Win Them And It Will Not Affect Our Children

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! The Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

The fact is, that our young people need to be around wise, older counsel. There is no mandate in God's Word that children must have a friend. Repeatedly we read of a father telling his son to get wise counsel (Proverbs 19:20)

Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.

Everything Christ did on this earth is for us an example. When we look at His childhood, we never read about He being with peers as a young man. If the typical parent today left their child at the Temple for three days and had to return to find them-most would find them playing with peers. Not Christ, He was found in the Temple amongst lawyers and teachers. Why? Our young people need to be around wisdom. Now in that story, Jesus amazed the men with His Wisdom...then again, Who was the older?
Today, as written earlier, parents are leaving sound churches because their child has "no friends." Do they need one? What influence are they having on your child? Is it a positive one? Apparently not, for our next question on our teen survey reads:

I would describe my closest friends as:
A: very strong Christians...40%
B: Saved, but not right with God...51%
C: Lost and wordly...9%

Knowing the Truth of God's Word, that evil communications corrupt good manners, and applying that principle to our survey results: 60% of our IFB young people are being daily corrupted by wrong friends! Is it no wonder we are losing them to the world? We are allowing them, under our watch to be corrupted!
Sorry, your 'good' child will not change the 'bad' child by being their friend. The healthy catch sickness, not the other way around. It only takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch. Get the picture?
I am not rebuking anyone, I am challenging Me! I am challenging You! Watch who your child's friends are! Cut through all the fog and be honest for just a second. Look at your children and who they are close to, and answer Biblically: Are your children being corrupted?
In this age of political correctness and nobody's feelings aloud to be hurt, we compromise and allow our children to get close to those we know are not right with God. I am not speaking about putting our children in a box and never letting them out. Yes, put them in Sunday School, send them to school, take them to the park...but be careful who we allow them to get close to and become friends with. We all know the difference!
We are losing our young people to the world and false churches-this is an unfortunate fact. There is much we can do, and one area is in friendships-let us not allow them to be corrupted before our very eyes.
The principle of 2 Corinthians 6 of being unequally yoked is in context speaking about marriage, but a principle quite true for friendships as well.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Need it be said, our children's friends cannot be lost people! Yet, 9% of those surveyed are.
Our young people must have friends who are an example to them and a challenge to them to do right:

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

Our children's friends should be those that bring safety, not destruction and shame:

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

We as parents need to stop and pray and answer honestly, are our children's friends right in the eyes of the Lord? We need to beware! The wrong friends will destroy our young people. As Philippians 3:2 reads:

Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers

Ask Amnon, Judas, Rehoboam...bad friends and counsel lead to destruction. Many parents do not even know who their children's freinds are, much less if they are right or not. I've heard many say, "Ah, they aren't perfect, they're kids, but they are good kids. There are alot worse out there." Perhaps, but according to your young people, they know that 60% of their friends are bad influences on them. The question is not 'Are there worse out there?' but rather 'Are our children being corrupted?' May we be honest in our answer and actions.